That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
