living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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