the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
