Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
