I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
