i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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