I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
