i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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