Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
they're like a gay fantastic four
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
