i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
