Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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