ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
