He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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