you guys were way drunker than both of me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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