I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
