My first STD was from a foam party
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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