That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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