literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
