I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
