I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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