and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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