nut hugger
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize