so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
