Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
