Plan B is the new Plan A
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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