I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Holy shit dude........stairs
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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