yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
