I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
