jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
