Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
