Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
