Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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