I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
