I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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