I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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