after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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