When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
