garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
