I am spending my child support on dildos
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
