haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
