i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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