I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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