they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
