I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
this is an emotional support booty call
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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