Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize