So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
