1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Please don't give away my fajitas
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