youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
