I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
wow bdsm is so cute
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
