How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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