I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
