My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
