At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize