I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
