Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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