I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
