why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
