the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
