so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize