hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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