Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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