I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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