i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
