i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
