You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
