My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
