You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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