...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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