Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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