i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
