In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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