...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
