Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
